Helping Katrina Victims

This is the text of a comedy radio sketch I wrote and performed recently:

Jeff, I'm coming to you live from the shoulder of Interstate I-10 between Baton Rouge and New Orleans in the storm-damaged state of Louisiana.  Zooming past me are relief convoys bringing needed solace to the inhabitants of this - and neighboring - states.

Now you've been hearing for many days about the usual relief supplies being brought in - the water, the food, the hygiene kits, and so forth.  You've also heard about the struggles of authorities to maintain order, and the volunteer efforts to bring help in and move refugees out, and to get them resettled.

But nobody has yet chronicled what I am about to chronicle for you now - the vital role played by the Political Left in rushing their own unique assistance to this troubled region.  The trucks behind me are loaded down with blame.

[JEFF: DID YOU SAY BLAME?]

Yes Jeff, blame.  Even before the first Red Cross trucks were being denied entry into New Orleans by Governor Blanco, the Political Left knew that these distressed people didn't need water, power, or a unified country committed to helping them - these people needed someone to blame - and the Left mobilized their armies of bloggers, whiners and Deaniacs to give it to them.

Think about it Jeff - suppose you had lost your life's savings, your home, your job, maybe a family member.  Suppose you hadn't eaten in two days or had a drink of water in 24 hours.  What would you want?

[JEFF: I THINK I'D WANT FOOD, WATER, AND A SAFE PLACE TO REST.]

Well, Jeff, that just shows how ignorant YOU are.  America's Angry Left are a whole lot smarter than you - they know what's really needed is to pour sand into the gears of the relief effort by demanding the apportionment of blame while the disaster is still unfolding. 

Nobody has done more to rush big, steaming piles of blame into the stricken region.  Nobody has done more to distract all levels of political leadership from coordinating the relief effort.  Nobody has done more to split the nation along racial and ethnic lines.  It's really time for the rest of us to take a moment, especially on a day like today, to reflect on the great contributions the Angry Left have made to our nation, and to express our gratitude.

Four years ago, our nation was attacked and we briefly rallied together under the mistaken notion that our nation needed unity.  But it was the Angry Left who revealed that - well, we were attacked because America is evil and deserved to be attacked.  It was the Angry Left who explained that, any time America is attacked, the attack itself is proof that we deserved it.

Now, in the aftermath of Katrina, it's the Angry Left who have revealed that this hurricane was under the direct control of the Bush Administration, who steered it towards black people, because Bush hates black people.  If it weren't for the Angry Left, I wouldn't have known that.

Jeff, this Republican storm has all but destroyed one of the great success stories of Leftist policy - a city mired in poverty, riddled with corruption, and racked by a crime rate ten times above the national average - the crown jewel of Leftist social planning.

[JEFF: WHY IS THAT A SUCCESS STORY?]

Because everybody voted Democrat, Jeff.    Why do you think the Left embraces these policies that drive up crime and mire people in intergenerational poverty? 

But never fear, Jeff - the Left is on the job.  You can be sure that, while others waste time bringing in water and food, or cleaning up, or maintaining order, the Angry Left is hard at work making sure America knows that we are a racist society and everything is George Bush's fault. 

Can you hear those trucks rushing by?  Stand by, grief stricken survivors!  Blame is on the way!

Jeff?

[JEFF: THANK YOU FOR THAT REPORT, TOM.]