Saturday, April 12, 2008

'A Glorious Mess' - WSJ.com

'A Glorious Mess' - WSJ.com

In an otherwise reasonably good editorial, the WSJ's editors wrote a hideous sentence:

Mr. Dingell was perhaps overstating his case when he said it had "the potential for shutting down or slowing down virtually all industry and all economic activity and growth," but not by much.
Quick review: the position of emphasis in a sentence is at the end. This sentence ends with, and emphasizes, "but not by much."

Without looking back, what was the thing being modified by "but not by much" - was it the "shutting down or slowing down" of the economy? Oh, well, then nothing to be worried about - the economy might take a little hit, maybe it'll be slowed, "but not by much." Sigh of relief.

Uh, oh. That's counter-intuitive. The WSJ wouldn't make that point. Look back... oh, it's Dingel, who is either not overstating his case at all, or perhaps overstating it, "but not by much."

With bad editing and bad sentence construction, the WSJ manages to take a crucial point, and suck all the energy out of it.

Word to the wise: put your modifiers near their modify-ees, keep your points clear, and remember that the end of the sentence is the position of emphasis.

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